Friday, December 25, 2009

Dear Diary: Day 1

It was unusually quiet this morning. I woke up feeling strangely uneasy. I got out of my bed and was stretching out my limbs, stiff from sleeping on the wool carpet on the floor, and I noticed she was still sitting on her rocking chair. The book she was reading was still laying on her lap, her glasses still hanging on her nose. Her head was tilted forward, she had fallen asleep, I thought.
I went to her, and jumped on her lap. The book she held feel to the floor with a thud. She remained oddly still.
I moved towards her face and sniffed her breath. There was no warmth, only the stale scent of her rose perfume. I could only sniff traces of her breath, it was not there. I licked her face, she should be up by now. She did not respond. Her wrinkled face had a marble expression.
I went to the kitchen, to the corner where my food was placed. My plate was empty. My water bowl barely had a few drops left in it, and I was really thirsty. I went back to my corner in the living room and started grooming myself, I will have to wait for her to wake up, I thought.
The atmosphere of the house was depressing, the curtains were still covering the windows, shielding the bright sun rays from entering the rooms. She was supposed to be preparing breakfast by now.
I went back to her rocking chair, she was still sitting in the same position, cold as rock. I jumped onto her lap again.
"Wake up!" I screamed in her face. No response.
"I'm hungry!" She did not even move.
The phone started to ring. That should wake her up, I thought. But it kept ringing, and she kept her same marble expression, not moving an inch.

It was later that afternoon when the phone rang again. I was having my usual nap. The sound woke me up, I had forgotten about my hunger, and I lay there on my pillow, waiting for her to get up and answer the ringing phone.
I went back to where the rocking chair was, in the corner of the living room, by the fireplace. Nothing has changed since this morning. I sensed something strange. Her presence was no longer felt, yet she was still sitting on her chair, unmoved. Her elbows resting on the arms of the chair, her legs tucked beneath her favorite plaid blanket, and her eyes, closed in the most peaceful way. But I could not feel her. I called to her again, maybe my calls would bring her back, maybe she has gone out to run some errands, but she is still here! it was extremely confusing. I called her, my voice was louder that usual.
She loves it, when I talk to her. She bends down and kisses me, talks to me with the most gentle voice and caresses me. Somehow that person was no longer present in the room.

It was getting cold, and I was experiencing a most unexpected sensation. My heart was making a loud sound, like an ancient rhythm. I felt it vibrating inside my chest. My limbs were becoming stiff.
I felt alone, I felt like I have been abandoned. She loves me! Why would she leave me!
The light was starting to disappear from behind the curtains, it was getting intensely cold. I wanted to move towards her, go to her. She comforts me and provides warmth, but something was holding me back.
I curled in a corner of the room, shivering, and feel asleep. Something inside me was telling me that things will never be the same after today.

**** To be continued, inshallah*****